Excerpted from Cheat: A Man’s Guide to Infidelity by comedians Bill Burr, Joe DeRosa and Robert Kelly, who have experienced romantic infidelity and survived to tell their tales. At some point, at some time, most men cheat. This book is predicated on that fact. We figured it was about time someone sat down and wrote a how-to on the subject. After all, if you’re going to cheat, it’s better for everyone if you don’t get caught. This guide, if you take it seriously and pay attention, will teach you to cheat successfully.Yes, seriously.This book will take you step by step through the entire process of cheating, from choosing your mark to keeping glitter out of your pubes. We will break down this ancient art, present possible pitfalls, and provide you with solutions, all to make you a better cheater. This is information you need, especially in these harsh times when outrageous statements in divorce court such as “she’s used to a certain lifestyle” or demands of forty grand a month in child support in order to feed a kid Froot Loops are not considered highway robbery. This is a very dangerous time to be a man if you are even thinking about stepping out.The first rule of successful cheating is Own your own sh*t. If you’re going to step out, you’ve gotta be a man about it. Control is key. Assess your situation, form a strategy, execute your plan, and take no prisoners.Do you wanna get your dick wet or not? Then stop being a pussy.A big part of not getting busted is recognizing what type of cheater you are or will be. This stems directly from your personality traits. There are guys who cheat for sex, guys who cheat for the rush, and guys who cheat for romance. Depending on your style, different rules and regulations apply to the approach. Not every cheat will play out in the same fashion. And women, diverse as they are, are also going to affect the circumstances. You need to be as familiar with her personality as you are with your own. We’re going to cover all of this ground thoroughly.See, guys tend to think that fucking around is black and white: you either do it or you don’t. Looking at it that way is grounds for incrimination. The gray area is where to get all that sweet, discreet, extramarital ass. Infidelity is an incredibly complex endeavor, so you need to have your sh*t together.When it comes to scoring some side puss, this book will be the best friend you’ve ever had. Of course, you could toss this book aside and go take advice from your real-life best friend. That’s probably not a bad idea. After all, he’s an actual person who loves you, and he might even buy you beers while you discuss the matter. It’s just that he won’t know what the f*ck he’s talking about.We do know what the fuck we’re talking about. Everything in this publication—facts, philosophies, opinions, advice—comes from legitimate, hands-on experience. We’ve cheated, and now that we have put that part of our lives behind us, we’re sharing what we’ve learned. This information has been tried, tested, and lived. The “About the Authors” sh*t usually comes at the end of a book, but in this case, you should know why you can trust us.